|"And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death,|
and Hell followed with him."
-Revelations 6:8, and/or Paula Deen's cookbook.
(Image courtesy crossfitenvy.com.)
Like one of Paula Deen's savory-sweet dreams come true, there now exists a device that mainlines your dairy-derived fix straight onto any available substance: toast, pancakes, potatoes, lobsters, your young lover's supple thighs, whatever.
|Image only marginally related.|
(Image courtesy pinterest.com.)
According to Gizmodo, the reason for this greasin' is the new Biēm Butter Sprayer, which is a totally serious and excruciatingly essential new culinary tool that emits a fine mist of the butter of your choice. Simply load a
magazine stick of butter into the chamber, activate the motion-sensitive internal heating unit (by picking up the device...or whatever other motion you had intended for it), and spray away.
Like any good vaporizer, the heating element functions nigh-automatically, and your delicious liquid butter will be ready at the touch of a button. A delicate kiss from the dairy fairy now graces anything from popcorn to pommes frites with that succulent, savory sauce. Oh, and the Biēm functions via "no chemical or artificial propellants, just heat and air", so you don't need to re-up any CO2 cartridges or clean it with any fancy finagling (a scrub under the faucet will do.)
|Look, they put a lot of thought into this design.|
Come on, you own fifty fucking gadgets just for crafting cocktails,
why not buy the damn butter-blaster?
(Image courtesy kickstarter.com.)
The world has come full circle, now. Legend has it that in ancient times, humans would readily exhort of their condiments, "I can't believe it's not butter!" Now, one needs simply to lend their beliefs to the glory of science. Yes, friends, it IS butter. Real, delicious, spritz-blitzing butter, delivered from non-smudge silicone and stainless steel superiority.
Fund their kickstarter and gain not just a pat on the back, but a pat of butter...anywhere.
|Anywhere you can dream.|
(Image courtesy humor.about.com.)