Va-jamming: New Insertable Music Device Serenades Your Unborn Child

Happy New Years, baby!  Did you get some good partying done to ring in 2016?  Well, if you celebrated so hard that you'll be creating another human around September or so, have we got some rockin' news for you!

You can't shove a Fender Stratocaster up there, but this is the next best thing.
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According to, a new device called the Babypod will pump tunes straight into your womb, apparently for the pleasure of your developing fetus (or maybe your liver just really resonates to some Zeppelin...whatever, we don't discriminate.)  The device is inserted vaginally and connects via standard 1/8-inch cable to your music source of choice.  Your VIP section at Uterus-Fest can then hear all of his/her/their new favorite songs with no silly impediments like your flesh.

Don't forget to include lots of Hymen Holocaust in the playlist!

Developed by scientists at the Spanish gynecological Institut Marquès - who claim babies can be responsive to sounds at up to 16 weeks - the Babypod makes those cute little kicks part of a larger moshpit in your mommy-parts.  Proto-children will be improved, as the Babypod theoretically "stimulates the vocalization of babies before birth through music and encourages their neural development."

54 decibels loud...just enough sonic scorch to make Junior a lifelong Stones fan,
before your dirty Beatles-loving family tries to corrupt him.
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There is, of course, an attendant app with a playlist set to superiorly stimulate your spawn, so if you for some unfortunate reason conceived to something less than developmentally-ideal, you can make up for any possible damage.  You can also now teach your kid to be a music snob about bands not only before they were cool, but before it (the child itself) was even a thing.  Your little hipster deserves no less (though it might be a little awkward connecting your Babypod to a record player.)

We'll just leave this here.
Apply as needed, either for your baby, or to create one.

So if you're planning on populating some of the future, now you can make a good attempt to turn your kid away from dubstep or pop-country before it even has a chance to get suckered into those gross glitch beats or auto-tuned guitars.  Hearing is the first sense developed in the embryo, so make sure you choose some good tracks!  Earphones are included, so you can rock out together.  Though you're going to have to wait a few months before it can sing harmonies with you...

"Ugh, no, you're sharp again.  Were you just zoning out in amnotic fluid during all those rehearsals?"
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