Crappy Holidays? Get Wrecked With These Tech-Inspired Flasks

It's the holiday season, and whether you like it or not, you may find yourself finagling through some festivities.  If you want a way to show off your techie tendencies while simultaneously slurping enough sauce to place you firmly on the Naughty List (especially after those office party shenanigans), here are several technology-inspired flasks that will, somewhat ironically, give you what no robot, videogame, device or website can:  the warm embrace of a good stiff shot.

Smartphone?  That's a goddamn brilliant-phone.
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1.)  The Nintendo game flask.  We'll start with the classics.  The gold standard of gaming for many childhoods, Nintendo games were a treasure to find under your tree come Christmas morning.  Relive that joy (ok, well, at least a fraction of it) with this flask, complete with booze-themed parody art representing your favorite titles.  A round of Fine Ale Fantasy, anyone?

You used to shoot ducks, now you shoot whiskey.
Here's to not shooting yourself for another holiday season.
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2.)  The Gameboy flask.  In a similar vein as the Nintendo game flask, this throwback will have you throwing a few back, possibly until you start singing the "Tetris" music at the top of your lungs and rearranging piles of presents into neatly ordered rows until they disappear.  Stoli sold separately.

However, much like the original Gameboy, your siblings will still be begging for a turn with this
when the family Christmas party gets too boring.
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3.)  The calculator flask.  OK, so this one is sort of a dead giveaway, seeing as how even the dumbest of non-smartphones has some rudimentary version of a calculator chilling in its chip.  But who cares?  This flask may not do math, but it might just be a better way to solve problems.

"43770" to you too, old friend.
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4.)  The Drinkman flask.  Another on the Dead-Giveaway-But-Who-Gives-A-Fuck list, this delightful design will have you unwinding rather than rewinding (it doesn't actually play tapes, but you probably haven't needed a device that does that anytime this century.  Yes, go ahead, take another drink if that makes you feel old.)  Whether you pour in an album (our new code for maximum capacity of straight liquor) or perhaps a mixtape (a.k.a. cocktails), this fun flask will likely get you dancing either way.

And if you're a hipster who dresses like this guy, no one will even suspect your saucy secret.
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5.)  The iFlask.  Honestly, we're surprised this hasn't been released as a real thing yet.  Just think:  your smartphone - one of the greatest causes of your daily addictions, distractions, and sometimes worry - can now be alleviated with another of the greatest causes of your daily addictions, distractions, and sometimes worry (though that worry will be waning...unless you lose your actual iPhone in the tippling process.)  Of course, it's probably for the best that the phone here doesn't function, because the chances for rampant drunk dialing would be...well, off the hook.

No bartending apps needed!
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6.)  The R2-D2 flask.  Robots are growing ever more important as the future presses forward, and this little guy will always have a place in our hearts (and now, livers.)  Much like a miniature version of the droid who slung drinks on Jabba's pleasure barge until he could help his comrades escape, you can use R2 to abet your own personal escape from the desert-dryness of Tatooine (or the subway, or your kid's Christmas concert.)  You don't need a golden protocol-spouting sidekick to tell you the odds are good that keeping this guy at your side will lead to an adventure.

R2-D2, you're on fire!  Oh no...wait...that was just the taste of the Bacardi 151 that's in there...
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7.)  The lightsaber flask.  The second best thing that surrounds us and protects us and binds the galaxy together, other than the Force, is alcohol.  Don't let your midichlorian count (or blood/alcohol level) fall to the dark side with this handy flask.  Unfortunately, it currently seems to be only a prototype or prank from Infinite Fish industries, but there's no reason you can't just fill a similarly-themed sports bottle with your drink of choice and clip it to your belt.  If the usher at the movie theater questions you, just wave your hand mystically and say it's not the drinks he's looking for.

Yes, they have them for the dark side too, you nerd.
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8.)  The blaster flask.  Every scoundrel in the galaxy knows that hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side.  And for good reason, too...this one will certainly get you fired up.  Although unfortunately it seems that this is also a tantalizing teaser from the folks at Infinite Fish, if the new "Star Wars" film is as successful as some suspect, this could be rocking in your leg-holster by New Years.  Happy Life Day, you rebel scum!

'Cause no mystical energy field controls YOUR destiny!
Just liquor.
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