Tracked In The Sack: New High-Tech Wristwatch Delivers Your Sexual Stats

Technology has the amazing ability to provide us with abundant, seemingly boundless amounts of information.  Sometimes, that also includes too much information.

"Hey baby...set me to LOVE MODE."
(Image courtesy

An interesting example of this would be the Geeksme Life Lovers watch, which in addition to functioning as a fitness-monitoring device, also tracks your sexual statistics.  According to, the Life Lovers keeps watch (sorry) of your calories burned, "intensity of workout", and even emotional feelings regarding your time getting down to frisky business.

The Life Lovers also keeps track of sleep, as well as the user's ecological footprint.  It's half for conscience and half for conquest.  But it's the o{hhh}dometer that really intrigues.  By enabling the "Love Mode" (symbolized by an arrow-shot heart), users can gain a scientific insight into their sexual prowess.  A spokesman for Geeksme said:

"The device has been specially designed to analyze and interpret information of the movements made during sex to allow users to know how many calories they have lost and how much fat has been burned, as well as the intensity of the workout... 
The user can keep track of the start and end time, the duration of the act, how often they have sex, including weekly, monthly and annual statistics and graphs showing the intensity of movement."

"Tender loving care?  Come on, we need to go harder,
 or the Intensity meter will post to facebook that we're slacking!"
(Image courtesy

After your, um, experiments have concluded, you can rate the experience using an emoticon, running the gamut of "bad, regular, normal, good and great."  You know, for science.  Depending on myriad variables, one could expect to burn between 2 and 11 calories per minute while getting it on (sorry, probably not enough to cover those twelve beers you had to convince yourself your date was hot enough to take home.)  But maybe now that you know your sexual shortcomings, you can up your the Geeksme website states, "Monitoring your sexual performance will help you to get to know you better."

The watch retails on the Geeksme website for $114.  If you want to keep track of your most winsome and/or sinsome info, here's the device for doing it.  Literally.

Get training with the Life Lovers watch now, so you won't disappoint the Ho-Bots of 2025.
They'll track your stats and possibly execute you for under-performing.
(Image courtesy

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