Mature Content: New "Companionship" App For The Elderly

Our current senior citizens were raised in an era with typewriters and telegrams, and now, they can add another newfangled technology to their (long) lives:  a hookup app.

Go out with a bang.
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According to, the Stitch app is for men and women over 50 years of age who are seeking romantic partners, as well as platonic friends.  Offering "companionship", the app abets friendships (language learning, mutual event-going, etc.) as well as opportunities for canoodling.

"At first I was really offended [about the association with Tinder], but then I realized that a lot of our users have found us by googling 'Tinder for seniors' because they know their kids are on it and they're wondering if there's something for them," Stitch creator Marcie Rogo explained.

In the 30's this was basically porn.
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Users are verified via drivers' license scans and other data, then "stitch" with other users (possibly literally, if you're into that.)  The verification deters swindlers who may be conning old ladies out of their savings.  This allows authenticated users to confidently bond with each other to help stave off the agony of the relentless march to the grave.

"Grandparents are kind of seen as annoying, or a burden or they're far away and you never get to see them. ... This is not the way you're supposed to treat people that are going through a process that is inevitable," Rogo said.  And indeed, the Stitch app (whose motto is "Because everybody needs company") has ameliorated the need for this to be a tragic end.

Gun for that great romance just one more time!

Hey girl.  Let's hit the soda fountain for a root beer float.
Two straws.
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