Get The App Kicked Out Of You: Chinese Now Hiring Thugs By Smartphone

You used to have to go into shady bars or disreputable gyms to find yourself a hired goon.  Now, thanks to the magic of smartphones, you need only use an app, according to a report from China...

And to think, beatdown apps used to be all fun and games...
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As reported by Shanghaiist, the Chinese app Didi Da Ren is available for all of your assault needs.  Promising the well-honed smacking services of "gym coaches, retired soldiers, gangsters and crooks", the app was possibly spawned from an online talk show's satirical video, but found a real, live, bleeding market.

Just be careful you don't get a bootleg goon.  They're no good at being no good.
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A reporter from Kunming put the app to the test, and learned that a talented thug would be willing to provide his services on a sliding scale rate, depending on the level of harm-infliction desired.  All he required was a photo of the desired beat-ee and an idea of where to possibly encounter them, and boom, you're troubled no more!  The rate for various injuries was between $30-$80, and he only required two days' notice to set to business.

And you get to pretend you're a badass for hiring a thug.  Win/win!
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At least 40,000 people have already downloaded the app, and it also offers escort services.  You know, something nice, to counteract all that violence.

If you're really lucky, you might get a two-for-one hitman/hittable man.
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The developer, Changsha Zhang Kong Information Technology Limited, insists illicit activity was not the intended use of the app, and has instructed employees to manually remove all ads for thugs, crooks, miscreants, henchmen, goons, and anyone else who'll serve up a knuckle sandwich. Too bad...we always wanted a ninja for hire.

"Yeah, I take bitcoin."
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